To think way back when, in 2011, the early days at Caught In Southie, I wrote Advice To Future Mob Molls, and now I’m writing about the mob wife aesthetic.  Russ Cohle was right, and time really is a flat circle.  BTW are you watching the new True Detective?  Travis is Russ’ father!!  I swear this post is not sponsored by HBO, but it probably should be…

The trend cycle on TikTok is something else.  We see trends move at a breakneck pace.  It’s like Heidi Klum said: one day you’re in, the next day you’re out, auf Wiedersehen.   The rapid TikTok trend cycle has recently given us styles like quiet luxury and indie sleaze, the girls both clean and tomato, the grandmothers coastal and the grandpas eccentric, and I’m sure dozens of other micro trends that never even made it to my FYP because the algorithm knows I am an old, old woman.

The trend du jour is the mob wife aesthetic (well for ladies at least, I see you babygirl men) so let’s grab some manigot and break it down.  Oh, and be warned, light Sopranos spoilers to follow.

What Is The Mob Wife Aesthetic?

First things first, what even is the mob wife aesthetic?  The mob wife aesthetic is bold, ostentatious, in your face, bridge and tunnel glamor.  Basically  the polar opposite of quiet luxury and beloved auntie of indie sleaze.  Big hair, big jewelry, big attitude, Big Ang.  This is not what you wear to the country club, but to the Paramus Mall or The Brownstone.

How To Get The Mob Wife Aesthetic

I’m happy to report that pretty much everything you need for the mob wife aesthetic is already hanging in your closet…or your mother’s closet…or your grandmother’s closet, and everything that isn’t hanging in a closet you have access to can be bought second hand.  Let’s start with leather, or as Mona Lisa Vito would say “leath-ah”.  You want some black leather in your outfit, probably either black leather pants or a black leather mini-skirt (with black tights, duh).  For your top, you want to go with more black or animal print.  The type of top is the dealer’s choice: blouse, turtleneck, sweater, bodysuit, whatever, as long as it’s VERY form-fitting.  Round out the outfit with black leather boots and lots and lots of gold jewelry.  Like stack that ish UP and then stack it up some more.  Now we top it all off with the piece de resistance, the fur coat.  Vintage or faux, long or short, solid or print; whatever you can get your grubby little mitts on.  And if you can’t get your grubby little mitts on a fur coat, try (faux) fur accessories like a headband, stole, or fur-trimmed gloves.  Bada bing bada boom, you’re a mob wife!

The Controversy

Bestie, some of the girlies on TikTok are mad.  There’s a contingent waving the “my culture is not a costume flag,” but I’m willing to bet more than one of these gals has been a sexy Pocahontas for at least one Halloween.  And let me take this opportunity to remind everyone that pretty much every nationality has an organized crime syndicate and wives.  And I should know!  Remember the Chechens and Bolivians in Barry?  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you should watch Barry immediately and then DM me because I always want to talk about Barry.  There’s a second contingent of people on TikTok who don’t love the mod wife aesthetic because they don’t think we should be glorifying the violence, misogyny, and homophobia often found in organized crime families, and honestly?  Fair…but I still want to talk about Barry.

Bits And Bobs

I hate to split hairs (just kidding, I LOVE to split hairs) but does anyone else think the mob wife aesthetic lewks lean a lot more goomah than wife?  Carmella Soprano, the blueprint for mob wives if you ask me (which no one did), wore a lot of colors and pastels and more shades of cream than shades of black.  It’s less Carmella and more Gloria Trillo, more that poveretta who sets herself on fire cooking eggs for Tony.*  Hell, let’s go all the way back to Goodfellas!  The aesthetic is not giving Karen Hill but more Janice Rossi and Sandy.  The mob wife aesthetic definitely matches up with my beloved Adriana La Cerva, but we all know that, sadly, she never made it to wife.**

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m in the midst of a Sopranos rewatch, or maybe it’s the fact that it’s been three degrees for like a week straight, so a big warm fur coat sounds like heaven right now, or maybe it’s because my wardrobe is already roughly 37% animal print, but I’m really feeling the mob wife aesthetic trend!  If you’re not loving the mob wife aesthetic, that’s cool, baby. Differences make the world go round.  Personally, I can’t wait to bust out my leopard print and oversized gold jewelry. See you at Nuovo Vesuvio! 

Update:  Looking like a mob wife is a lot of work, so I’m just going to default to a Paulie Walnuts tracksuit.  Gabagool! 

*Does anyone else think of her whenever they cook on the stovetop in a bathrobe?  No?  No one?

**In my fan fiction Silvio lets Adriana go and she runs away to California where she meets Jax Teller of the Sons Of Anarchy Motorcycle Club.

If you enjoyed this post, you can check out more of Heather’s “writing” at her personal site, We Women Of A Certain Age.