Written by Heather Foley

Are you psyched for the premiere of “Southie Rules”?  According to the Caught In Southie poll, the general public looks pretty split on whether or not they’re going to watch it. I’ll admit, curiosity will probably get the best of me and I’ll tune in.  I’ll probably watch it for a bit, then feel like I shouldn’t be watching it so I’ll change the channel, then after a few minutes I’ll put it back on, total shame cycle.  Unless I can somehow justify watching it, hmmmmm?  I’ve got it! “Southie Rules” drinking game.  Are you questioning how a drinking game could possibly justify watching a “reality” show?  It’s like you don’t even know me.  

Anyhoo, here are my “Southie Rules” drinking game rules:

• Drink whenever you say to yourself “no one really says that”, like the “wicked pissah” commercials.  Drink twice if you say it outloud.  
• Finish your drink every time someone’s face is blurred out because they wouldn’t sign release forms.  Word on the street is A&E had a hard time getting people to consent to be on camera, I wonder why.
• Did you just think the dad was Michael McDonald for a minute there?  Drink for 30 seconds.
• Take a drink every time a shot doesn’t match up.  I’m sure there’s a technical term for this, but damned if I know what it is.  You know when you watch the Pats on TV and the station will show the State House dome?  We know the State House is nowhere near Foxboro, and we know Castle Island isn’t near West Broadway (aka Big Broadway).
• Drink for 15 seconds any time you roll your eyes.  Doesn’t matter if it’s because someone bitches and moans about yuppies or if it’s because you think someone is laying it on a little thick with the accent.  Heck it doesn’t even matter if it’s because of a “Hoarders” commercial, if you rolled your eyes you’re drinking.  Drink for 30 seconds if it would also make your nana cringe.
• Take a shot anytime you think, “This would be so much better if it was Jimmy Fallon and Rachel Dratch”.  This is the rule that’s going to crush me.  I anticipate spending most episodes wishing I was watching Sully and Denise; God I miss those two.

Are you drunk yet?  I am, but I always write drunk, so it’s no biggie.  For the record I would like to say I do not know this family.  I have never so much as laid eyes on any of them in real life but I’m sure they are kind, loving, and giving, like most of the South Boston families I know.  Much like the rest of the community I only hope A&E doesn’t cut footage to show what they think will sell, which is that stereotypes are hilariously true (see “Jersey Shore”, “Buck Wild”, “My Big Red Neck Vacation”, etc.).  

Good luck Southie!