3.3 min readBy Published On: October 28th, 2013Categories: Features1 Comment on Sexy Halloween Costumes ’13

Written by Heather Foley

If you know me, and by now you totally do, you know that I love to dress up.  I love to dress up both fancy and costume, but for the sake of this post we’re going to deal strictly with costumes because it’s that time of year again, Halloween!  Halloween is that magical time of year when women can let their skank flag fly.  Every year I’m surprised by how many mild manner women I see prance around in tights and a vinyl mini around October 31st.  For the record, I’m not against slutting it up with your costume, but I am against a cheesetastic store bought costume that shows zero creativity (see naughyt nurse, naughty bumble bee, naughty firefighter et all).  All I ask is that you take a minute and put some thought into your costume, I’m not even asking you to put on pants!  I realize not everyone is as creative as I am, so I’m here for you gurl(s)!  I’m proud-ish to present my third (I think) annual slutty costume list:
Sexy bullpen cop.  I’m all about renew, reuse, recycle, and sexy bullpen cop is a costume with a conscience.  Just take your old sexy cop costume (I know you have one) and add a beard.  You get to add like a million points if you can convince a friend to dress like Torii Hunter and walk around on their hands all night.

Hanna Montana (sexiness is implied).  There are going to be about a gazillion Mileys twerking their flat asses for Halloween, BORING!  Show them all up by dressing up the Disney character that started it all!  Just get some fake chipmunk teeth and a Miley microphone, which you can find on eBay starting at ninety-nine cents.

Sexy Dora the Explorer.  Another recycled costume ladies!  Use the orange hot pants from that time you dressed up as a Hooters waitress and simply add your favorite pink crop top and a backpack.  PS I have a Dora wig if anyone wants to borrow it, just don’t have cooties please.

Sexy Duck Dynasty Guys.  Beards are really having a moment right now, so go all trendy and incorporate one into your Halloween costume.  This one is so easy, you need to pair your camo pants (or booty shorts) with a bra and throw on a fake scraggily beard.  Maybe throw on a safety orange vest and a bandana.

Sexy Carrie.  Hollywood is just as into recycling as I am, and this Halloween they recycled the Stephen King classic Carrie.  Now as far as costumes go, does it get any hotter than soaking wet clothes hugging you in all the right places?  Nope, it doesn’t.  Yes in this case your dress will be soaked with fake blood, but trust me, still super sexy.

Sexy Rachel Maddow.  Shorthaired sisters don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you!  Grab your thick-rimmed specs and through on your favorite power suit sans pants.  If you really want to commit to the costume I suggest sensible footwear and making out with a chick at some point during the evening.

Sexy Koji.  Every lazy guy you know is going to wear a Red Sox shirt and a beard for Halloween, but you’re better than that.  Head to Fenway and grab yourself a teeny tiny kids Koji shirt.  Actually see if they have baby Koji shirts.  Pair with some skintight white pants (or maybe just a jock strap if you’re feeling frisky) and proceed to high five the hell out of everyone you meet.

And there we have it ladies, seven super hot costume ideas to show the world you are more than just T&A, you have a brain, and you use that brain to put together awesome costumes.

One Comment

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