Written by Heather Foley
Do you know what Saturday is? It’s Valentine’s Day! Are you psyched? Are you pumped? Of course not, Valentine’s Day is stupid. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a bitter lonely old crone, but let’s be honest it doesn’t help. And as a bitter old crone, I usually try to avoid going out on Valentine’s Day. When you’re an a la carte single at a restaurant full of couple price fixes can be tough, yo. It’s easy enough to stay in and eat a Lean Cuisine over the sink when V-day falls on a Monday, but when it’s on a Saturday you may want to venture out of the house for an hour or so, especially since we’ve been cooped up from all this snow. Now I know you don’t want to move your car (I couldn’t even if I wanted to, it’s under 17 tons of snow and ice) so luckily there are plenty local establishments you can hitchhike to, or walk whatevs.
First things first, in order to survive Valentine’s Day alone with your cat Emily Dickenson (credit Liz Lemon) you’re probably (definitely) going to need to stop at the liquor store. One of the great things about living in Southie is that wherever you live you’re within a five minute walk to a liquor store. We’re number one! We’re number one! And on Valentine’s Day, you should really treat yourself, so go all out and get the fancy stuff, like Riunite or Almaden Golden Chablis.
Listen, I’m not going to say that if we spent some more time at the gym we wouldn’t be alone on Valentine’s Day, but I’m not not going to say it (my apologies to every English teacher I ever had for that sentence, seriously I’m wicked sorry). You may be a little extra feisty on Valentine’s Day, so it’s the perfect opportunity to try the Bags and Beats class at The Club By George Foreman. The class combines boxing combinations set to music and bodyweight exercises and who knows, maybe you’ll even meet someone there! Ha ha, JK, you won’t meet anyone. Class starts at 10:30am, and can you think of a better way to spend your morning than pretending a punching bag is your jerk ex or your imaginary boyfriend’s wonky-eyed girlfriend?
After you work out you need to feed your muscles, it’s just science. Since we’re getting ANOTHER BLIZZARD this weekend big grocery stores will probably be a gosh darn nightmare (gots to get the milk, bread, and eggs!) so why not swing by American Provisions for a sandwich and some, well, provisions. Buy a few days’ worth of the good groceries; local veggies, artisan cheese, a nice big steak, locally made ice cream, maybe even some more wine, you deserve it.
You are probably tired from your busy day, I’m tired just thinking about it, so put on your Snuggie, put your feet up, and fire up the Netflix (yes, I realize it’s not even 4pm yet and so what). I advise staying away from the Rom Coms, unless you want to really depress yourself, you do you. Personally I’m thinking Lifetime’s Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret and/or The Perfect Husband: The Laci Peterson Story to remind you that maybe being single isn’t all that bad. Or Hoarders, Hoarders always makes me feel better about myself.
There it is guys, your perfect Valentine’s Day! Well, it’s my perfect Valentine’s Day at least. Maybe yours will include a trip to the Java House, Loco (yum), the library, or Habit. I don’t know, I don’t live your life. Whatever you do on Saturday, I have a request, keep it local and let us know! Tweet me (@HotelFoxtrot) and Maureen (@MaureenCaught) with the hashtag #SouthieValentine, can’t wait to see what ya’ll are doing!
Heather has been writing for Caught In Southie since pretty much the beginning and for that we apologize. She can often be found on her couch with a log of raw cookie dough. Her biggest fear is being on an episode of Dateline and her wildest dream is being a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race. Feel free to let her know if there’s something you think she should write about, unless it’s stupid.