3.9 min readBy Published On: July 24th, 2015Categories: Features0 Comments on How To Talk About Caitlyn Jenner And Not Sound Like An A**hole

Written by Heather Foley

Did you know you can talk about Caitlyn Jenner without sounding like a complete turd?  It’s true!  You can even talk about her critically without sounding like a raging transphobe.  I swear!  I know because I’ve not only seen it done with my own two eyes but I’ve done it myself!  I know it’s hard to believe because most of the people ranting and raving on the internets sound like the scum Voldemort scrapes off the bottom of his shoe, but you can do it and I can tell you how.

Before I go any further let me clear something up lest anyone claim my message is tainted, I hate the Kardashian klan and all they stand for.  I think people in other kountries see their shenanigans, think all Americans are like them, and that’s why they hate America.  I kan’t stand them, so this isn’t kuming from a Kardashian kiss-up.  Also, I’m not 100% on board with Caitlyn winning the Arthur Ashe award.  I think what she’s doing is courageous, important, and has the potential to be a tipping point in trans acceptance.  I think her speech at the ESPYs probably saved a few lives.  But I also think she’s been living publically as Caitlyn for a hot minute and I’d like to see how she uses her platform/fame/infamy before we start handing her awards, even awards with no real criteria and that are used to pull heartstrings and grab ratings.  Ok, now that that’s out of the way let’s go.

Let’s leave God out of this.  I think we can all agree that no matter what God you believe in (I’m all about hippie love one love all Jesus btw) He (or She) has better things to do than get all fire and brimstone about Caitlyn Jenner.  There are wars, famine, disease, and a Taylor Swift/Nicki Minaj Twitter feud.  God is way busy, you guys.
Use the right name and pronouns.  I don’t know if one thinks they’re an internet tough guy when they make a point of using “Bruce” and “he” and then proudly state “he will always be Bruce” but they are not.  You look ridiculous.

The lady doth protest too much.  People who say “I don’t care but…” and then go on a tirade are filthy rotten liars.  You know what happens when I don’t care about something?  Nothing.  When I don’t care about something I certainly don’t comment on posts of said something with exclamation points and the caps lock on.  When you don’t care about something you don’t waste any of your energy on it.  Oh yeah and when you get all fired up on LGBT issues you kind of sound repressed and we all talk about how you should just come out of the closet behind your back, just an FYI.

Let’s not compare apples and zebras.  Resist the urge to compare Caitlyn Jenner to soldiers, sick kids, firefighters, police officers, school teachers, the pope, Captain Phillips, and anyone else.  Calling Caitlyn Jenner brave or giving her an award doesn’t take away from the bravery of anyone else, so don’t act like it does.  Also is this what we’re going to do now?  Are people going to comment similarly on posts about Tom Brady, stupid maid of honor speeches, cat videos, or pictures of rainbows?  Because if we’re going to start comparing everything to soldiers and people fighting for their lives we should just shut down social media right now because everything else pales in comparison.

Put the slurs away.  “Freak”, “tranny”, “it”, and some others I can’t even myself to write are off limits.  If you have a valid point you can make it without getting down in the mud.  If you do get down in the mud you’re just an angry bitter asshole who can’t form an intelligent argument.

Long story short, just don’t be a jerk.  Do you remember kindergarten?  When you were told “if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all?”  And also “treat people the way you would like to be treated”?  Well that’s all you have to do to talk about Caitlyn Jenner (or anyone or anything else for that matter) and not sound like the worst.  I know that’s going to be hard for some people, because some people are the worst, but you can do it.  You’re not the worst!