I spend a decent amount of time driving around the mean streets of South Boston, and during that time I’ve made a few observations. One of these observations is that people drive like a-holes. And like, a lot of people, if right now you’re thinking to yourself, “do I drive like an a-hole?” I’m willing to bet you most certainly do drive like an a-hole. Hell, most of you who don’t think you drive like an a-hole drive like the a-hole-est of a-holes. So, what’s your deal?
First of all, let’s talk about the speeding, shall we? Why we don’t have lights every block along Day Boulevard like Wollaston Beach I’ll never know – but we need them because people FLY. Yes I know some changes have been made recently but now people just fly in one lane with a light up reminder of how fast they get to drive. And we all know it’s not just the boulevard. It’s L Street, Broadway, Dot Ave, well it’s every single street. I’m more likely to notice a car that obeys the speed limit than one that doesn’t because they’re so few and far between. This should go without saying, but here I am having to say it you really shouldn’t be flying the wrong way up a one-way street. This is a densely populated neighborhood where kids and old people live, please drive like it.
Speaking of kids and old people, do you know how they cross the street? They wait in the crosswalk, like you’re supposed to. Raise your hand if you know what to do at when people are standing in a crosswalk. There should be like no one with their hand raised right now because the amount of people I see blowing through crosswalks is disgusting. It’s so bad that I’ve gotten into screaming matches on L St. with drivers who have beeped when people stop (like they’re supposed to) or who run through the crosswalk themselves. If you run through a crosswalk with someone in it, I hope your car gets pelted with rotten eggs.
Up next we have stop signs, which should be super easy to follow. The sign says “STOP,” so you stop. Easy, right? Then why aren’t you stopping? We have weekly crashes on my street because of people doing the opposite of what the sign says. Maybe you need to count Mississippi’s because what ya’ll are doing now is not stopping, it’s a quick pause on a good day.
Now before this turns into some sort of “us vs them” nonsense in the comments, let me just say, so many of you are terrible drivers. I’ve seen both new residents and people who’ve lived here for fifty plus years drive like jerks (I will not publicly shame these people but rest assured I have a notebook full of names). So whether you’ve been here for five minutes or for your whole life, do me a favor, remember there are people out walking around. People who have families who love them, people who should be able to cross the street safely. So please, call Uber if you need to, put the phone away, take your foot off the gas, and obey the God damn rules…or else I will egg your car.
Want more: Read Peter Gailunas’ blog on the same subject!