3.1 min readBy Published On: December 20th, 2013Categories: Features0 Comments

Written by Alexandra Ryan

My favorite Christmas cards come in postcard form and show a nice picture of the family/ children/babies and say… ‘Happy Holidays! Love, The Smith’s’.  

Simple. Clean. Concise.  I can see how cute the Smith’s children are and how much they’ve grown since last year.  Maybe they are wearing cute little outfits or Santa hats or something. It’s nice.  I only have a few friends with children, so I have only received a few (3) Christmas cards.  

On the other hand, my mother receives a bazillion holiday cards and she hangs them on the inside door of our foyer.  When I go home for Christmas, I always examine the door and look at all of the pictures and season’s greetings.  Then, I’ll ask my mom to show me the 3-5 page typed mini novel Christmas cards that people have sent.  I have a love/hate relationship with these things.  You know the ones I’m talking about…

Dear friend,

We hope this greeting finds you well.  As I sit down to write this letter, I begin to think about the past year and I can honestly say our family is truly blessed.

Johnny jumped into high school with both feet!  He was the only freshman to make the varsity football team and he is president of his class! Janie is busy applying to colleges and taking the SAT’s…Harvard and Yale are among her first choices.  Needless to say her father and I are very proud.  

Alright.  Stop right there.  I am not a parent.  I don’t even know if I would consider myself an adult.  Maybe one day, when/if I do have my own children, I will understand and appreciate these cards (doubtful).  Until that time…I will mock them.  Let’s get real people.  Be honest.  You’re life hasn’t been all bells and whistles this year….has it?  You have had ups and downs and most likely a lot of crazy sh*t has happened.  Maybe you are sick of your husband most days, or caught your 17 year old son drinking a 40oz of Old English alone in your kitchen at 3am on a Saturday night (my brother circa 97′), or discovered that your 15 year old daughter was on the pill and smoking cigs out her window (me).  This is the type of stuff that people really want to hear about.  Why?  It’s real.  It’s honest.  It’s more relatable than the crap you were going to write.  It’s funny…and it will make you feel a hell of a lot better to get it off your chest.  

Are you going to have a picture perfect hallmark holiday this year?  No…probably not.  Something is going to happen to throw it off track.  You know it and I know it.  Let’s all just embrace it and relax when the sh*t hits the fan. Maybe there will be a huge blowup fight…or someone will get too drunk and puke on the tree, maybe the prime rib will be horrible…who knows?  Who’s family is going to fight on Christmas?  Mine!  This is real  though….and this is the stuff that you will remember and laugh about when you are really really really old.  
So, next year…if you decide to type out a real absurdly honest holiday card…please be sure to send one to me….I would love to have more than 3 cards on my refrigerator.  Maybe I’ll even come up with one of my own.