3 min readBy Published On: January 25th, 2015Categories: Features0 Comments on 5 Things We Learned from DeflateGate

If you were lucky enough to be around on Saturday afternoon and had access to twitter or watching TV, you stumbled on the fact that the New England Patriots were holding a last minute press conference at 2:30pm.  After a half hour of waiting, head coach Bill Belichick took the stage front and center, rocking a dress shirt/short sleeve windbreaker combo and spoke for roughly 20 minutes and basically told the media – “Enough is enough!  We’re moving past this bullshit.  Let’s put DeflateGate behind us!”  Here are 5 Things We Learned from the DeflateGate Press Conference:

Bill Belichick learned a shitload of science this week.  From conducting ball inflation/deflation studies, to basic physics, Belichick rattled off facts and observations from “air pressure is a function of the atmospheric conditions” to PSI, bladders, animal skins, to knock your sock off things like, “”We found that once the footballs were on the field over an extended period of time, in other words, they were adjusted to the climatic conditions and also the fact that the footballs reached an equilibrium without the rubbing process, that after that had run its course that they were down approximately 1½ pounds per square inch.”  Huh?  We couldn’t help but imagine Belichick in a white lab coat testing balls in all sorts of atmospheric conditions with a clipboard and safety goggles.  

Bill Belichick is a a huge My Cousin Vinny fan.  Out of nowhere he dropped the bomb of “I would not say that I’m the Mona Lisa Vito of the football world, as she was in the car expertise area, alright?”  Yes, that’s right – My Cousin Vinny.

Gillette is still pushing the Flexball razor.  Deflated ball scandal be damned – we are marketing that Flexball no matter what!

The press irritate Belichick so much.  From visible signs of exasperation like eye rolls, signs, grunts, and to the basic equavilant of “Fuck off, Tom!” directed at Comcast sports writer Tom Curran when he asked a question that was clearly answered in Belichick’s 23 minute presentation.  Come on, man!  Another little gem was when a reporter asked about how vigorously they handled the balls (hehe!) and Belichick answered with, “We rub it to get the football to the proper texture. Yes, it’s – I mean, I don’t know what’s vigorous or what isn’t not (sic) vigorous. We’re not polishing fine china here; we’re trying to get a football to the proper texture the quarterback wants it to grip it. Does that stimulate something inside the football to raise the PSI? I would say yes, it does.” So put that in your pipe and smoke it!  When asked about Spygate, Belichick basically said, pffft….that old bullshit….”I mean, look, that’s a whole other discussion. The guy’s giving signals out in front of 80,000 people, OK? So we filmed him taking signals out in front of 80,000 people, like there were a lot of other teams doing at that time, too. Forget about that. If we were wrong then we’ve been disciplined for that.”  F’ off!

Belichick’s press conference restored confidence in Patriots Nation and got us fired up!  The only thing that could have made the presser better is if Belichick dropped the mic and gave to double middle fingers to the crowd and walked off.  Now that Belichick’s put this DeflateGate nonsense behind him with some cold hard scientific facts, he can focus on more important things like kicking the Seahawks asses on Super Bowl Sunday!