2.7 min readBy Published On: February 22nd, 2016Categories: Health and Wellness, Lifestyle0 Comments on Jerks at the gym

Jerks, man, they’re the worst.  And they’re everywhere!  The bus, the grocery store, the bar, the gym, it’s like you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a jerk.  And if you can in fact swing a dead cat without hitting a jerk I’ve got bad news for you, you’re probably the jerk.  But it’s ok, I can help!  Grab a pen and paper, we’re going to discuss jerky gym behavior, so you never, ever act like a jerk again.

Settle down.  Are you doing weird stuff at the gym?  Stuff like box jumps on a stability ball, full dance routines on the treadmill, jumping jacks on the elliptical backwards?  Stop showing off, you look like a fool, a thirsty fool.

Don’t offer unsolicited advice.  Congrats on having a whole Pinterest board dedicated to squats, but unless you’re a trainer on the gym’s payroll don’t tell random gym goers they’re doing it wrong.

Don’t get all pissy if someone is in your spot.  You don’t own a spot in any class, even if you’ve been going for 52 years.  If someone is in your precived spot you find another one, and if you huff and puff and roll your eyes you’re kind being an ahole.

Clean it up.  Wipe down every piece of equipment your nasty body touches.  Treadmill, weight bench, captain’s chair, dumbbells, barbells, kettle bells, silver bells, wipe them all down.  Oh and if you’re so sweaty you send droplets flying every time you turn your head wipe those up too.

Shower quickly.  I know you have a lot to do in the shower; shampoo, condition, soap, shave, but the gym shower isn’t the place for a 15 minute hair mask or a leasiurely 20 minute cry.  Do that stuff in your home shower, like a normal person.

Don’t be late, and if you are late at least have the decency to pretend to feel bad about it.  Stuff happens, everyone has been late once or twice in their lives, but if you do go into a class late try to be as unobtrusive as possible.  Stealthly find a spot in the back, don’t saunter up to the front and elbow your way in.

Hold the phone.  No one wants to hear you talk on the phone, not even the person you’re talking on the phone to, so do us all a favor and finish that call in your car where no one has to listen to your obnoxious voice.  Or act like it’s 2016 and send a text.

Take only what you’re using when you’re using it.  If your workout calls for twelve different size dumbbells, three different size barbells, a couple medicine balls, a BOSU, and a stability ball you don’t grab them all when you walk in the door and hoard them for an hour.  Think of other people for once in your life!

Don’t bring your dog to Pilates class.  Yes there is in fact a woman who brings her effing (non-service) dog to Pilates.  Lady, if you’re reading this please know everyone thinks you’re a jerk.

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