4.3 min readBy Published On: July 13th, 2012Categories: Features13 Comments on What I look for in a man

Written by Heather Foley

YUPPIES!!!  Okay, now that I have your attention, 200 plus comments and counting.  That’s how many “A Letter to South Boston” has gotten on Facebook so far, and as a regular CIS contributor I’m kinda jealous.  Sure a ton of those comments are asinine, but that’s a lot of buzz, and I love buzz!  Buzz is my favorite; and hype, I also love me some hype.  So if the mountain won’t come to Mohammed, Mohammed will go to the mountain.  Translation: I’m chasing that buzz like a shyster lawyer after an ambulance.
So most of you probably know my stance on the whole yuppies vs. locals debate (I hate to even call it a debate.  It’s like it lends legitimacy to the nonsense).  I’m not exactly shy when it comes to voicing my opinions but I decided to take a step back and try to examine the situation from a different angle, and since I’m a pathetic Carrie Bradshaw wannabe, I shall take the witty single girl in the city angle, in high heels obvi.
As a single gal about town, I am often asked where I’m from, and because I don’t have lie-abetes, I tell the truth and say “South Boston”.  Before I even ask the lad where he is from I’ll know if he’s from Southie or not.  “How do I know?” you ask.  Simple, a non-Southie guy will normally take my word for it, and 9 times out of 10 a Southie guys says, “No, where are you from?”  Hard core emphasis on the word “from” like I didn’t understand the question. I know us girls have smaller brains are therefore a little on the dumber side (like why are even allowed to vote, LOL) but I know what the word “from” means.  Then a 10 minute or so conversation follows where I, for whatever reason, must prove I’m legit by rattling off my parents, my brother, the schools I went to, the CYO teams I played for, and what I would order at The Quiet Man.  Why do you do this to me Southie boys?  And more importantly do you seriously not know who I am?  How is that possible?  Do my blogs about Giselle, overalls, and door busting on black Friday not appeal to you?  And oh yeah, I’ve even written a couple blogs about the Bruins and the Pats. I don’t want to sound like an ass, but “Do you know who I am?”  Alright, the non-Southie men folk don’t know me either, so clearly I need to rethink my writing style, or maybe submit a blog or two to Barstool Sports, then at least the 21 year old might know who I am.
So as a single gal in Southie, with OFS vs. transplants (well not really, but I’m allowed to take a little artistic license for effect), whom do I prefer?  I am so glad you asked.  First of all, I don’t see people like that, really!  I was raised to see beyond the zip code someone was born in (unless that zip code is in the Appalachian mountains, that probably won’t fly with me, sorry), and to look for what’s really and truly important.  And what’s really and truly important?  Well, here’s my list:

  • Body fat percentage.  You can see ab lines in the average male at around 10%, but I’m not so shallow I’m not open to someone with 12% body fat. 
  • A chin dimple.  I love a chin dimple, maybe because I have one, and I’m conceited like that.
  • A sense of humor.  And by that I mean someone who thinks I am hilarious.
  • Roughish hands.  Not so rough that I think you may have spent your youth working in a linen mill, but rough enough to know that you can make some repairs around the house and open a jar of pickles if need be.
  • Slightly short fuse.  Is there anything hotter than a guy who will punch a hole in wall over you?  Short answer, nope.  Long answer, that reminds me, I need to call my therapist.
  •  A warm, caring, generous spirit.  I’m totally kidding!  I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.  Generous spirit, ha!

I really hope this little blog helps show everyone out there that not all Southie peeps are anti-yuppie.  Most of us are of the equal opportunity variety.  Of course, there are close-minded people everywhere, but they don’t speak for all of us.  There are plenty of enlightened people such as myself in the hood who know physical appearance is way more important than where someone is born.  I mean really, judging someone on where they were born is so silly, like it has anything to do with who they are a person!  Now visible abs and a willingness to knock a fool out for you, that’s how you judge someone.


  1. ll July 14, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Why am I not surprised to see under your credentials the infamous Barbie Doll article???  I really hope that you didn’t waste your hard eaned parents’ income on a college major of journalism!!!………..because you suck!


  2. Maureen Dahill July 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm
    to above commenter: that’s not very nice! nobody likes a jerk! heather is a great writer that brings lots of joy to people!
  3. HELLOOOOO July 14, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    When you refer to “shyster” lawyers, do you to so in the Anti-Semitic tradition of the term?  Just curious.

  4. Dr. Rumack July 14, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Dear Caught in Southie,

    I check into your web site daily if not on a semi regular basis and enjoy reading about the goins on in Southie, that being said its getting very difficult coming to visit this site with these articles by Heather Foley, she really comes across as thinking she is so much better and so much more intelligent than everyone she knows and that nobody is good enough for her, its really disgusting, and I really dilike her immensley,CIS if you are wise, what do you say to someone who has turned this whole website and who is giving some much of time to make this site better but is destroying ,What I’d really like to do is put the greatness of this site in perspective.I think there’s really only 3  names it could compare to and its  Dr Albert Schweitzer,Mother Theresa of Calcuta probably,and Leo Marvin.



  5. Anonymous July 15, 2012 at 4:02 am
    Ok what’s the real story here? Did Heather turn you down at the bar one night? Or more likely does your husband drool over her whenever he sees her? Either way you’re coming across as pretty pathetic. It’s not Heather’s fault your husband would rather bang her than your fat ass!
  6. Anonymous July 15, 2012 at 12:43 pm
    Just want to make sure I have this straight, you know you don’t like the authors satirical writing style (which though I love I can see how it’s not for everyone) but you still keep reading her stuff just so you can leave a nasty comment? Yeah that’s not pathetic at all.
  7. Anonymous July 15, 2012 at 10:12 pm
    I can see you now, sitting in your moo-moo, staring at the computer screen, fingers greasy from the bucket of fried chicken in you lap, thinking to yourself “Iknow, I’ll tell the tall, skinny, hot chick she sucks, that will make me feel better about myself”. Did it work?
  8. Amy July 16, 2012 at 9:11 pm
    To the Barbie Doll commenter. It’s comedy. Obviously having no sense of humor you wouldn’t understand it.
  9. Mark July 16, 2012 at 9:52 pm
    People please; there are lots of yuppies from Southie. Doesn’t your landlord have kids? ;)
  10. Anonymous July 17, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Definition of SHYSTER

    : a person who is professionally unscrupulous especially in the practice of law or politics : pettifogger
    Also, according to various linguists shyster is commonly confused with shylock, with shylock being an actual derogatory term.  Don’t believe me?  Look it up, shyster is not a slur.
  11. Anonymous July 18, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Urban Dictionary: shyster


    A shyster is someone, usually a Jew, who acts in a disreputable, unethical or unscrupulous way, especially in the practice of law and politics, or a con artist.


  12. HI July 18, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    A shyster is someone who acts in a disreputable, unethical or unscrupulous way, especially in the practice of law and politics, or a con artist. While now applied in a non-ethnic-specific sense, it originated as a reference to disreputable Jewish businessmen and criminals.

    Which is probably why the question was asked how you intended the word.  Some people use it to describe unscrupulous Jews

  13. Anonymous July 21, 2012 at 6:01 pm
    I don’t think we should put too much stick on urbandictionary.com, seeing that anyone can go on and submit a definition

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