Welcome to the neighborhood! No, really, I mean it, welcome my new friends. I know you’re still settling in but I hope you get to take some time this week to wander around and soak up the beauty of our little hamlet. You’ll soon learn that South Boston has its own distinct charm, and I hope you will love that charm as much as I do. That being said, you’re now like a little baby Bambi who has no real idea where to go and what to do in your new hood, luckily you have me, think of me as your Southie mentor. Here’s what I think you should know, you might want to grab a notebook.
I’m assuming getting your drank on is a top priority. Miller’s Market at K and 7th has the coldest beer in the state, possibly the country, maybe the world. No joke.
Speaking of getting crunk, all those bars on East and West Broadway that have ginormous lines on the weekends? Totally not worth waiting in line. There are roughly three million bars in Southie, find your new favorite hole in the wall.
Want to be the hero of the next party you go to? Skip the chips and dip and grab a cheese plate at
Castle Island is beautiful and Sullivan’s has the best affordable grub (including lobster rolls) around, so it only makes sense to grab a burger and enjoy the natural beauty, right? Wrong. On a gorgeous sunny day the line at Sully’s is bananas, do like the locals and go when it’s cold and rainy. You’re in and out and there’s far less people to judge you for getting a burger, hot dog, fries, onion rings, and a Diet Pepsi.
Our Stop and Shop sucks, sorry.
Need to get a panic attack out of your system? Just drive down to the Post Office on East 3rd Street. I get within one block of the PO and my heart starts to race, by breath gets short, and I can feel my car closing in on me. You know a street is a clustf*ck when it’s the most anxiety inducing, baffling street in a city whose layout was designed by grazing cattle.
Quickest way to piss off your neighbors? Put your trash out too early. Your trash goes out to the curb the night before trash day. Your street doesn’t want to look like garbage any longer than necessary.
No offense to Dunks, but you never have to drink chain store coffee again. Southie has multiple great independent coffee shops, there’s probably at least one within walking distance to your new crib, so go check it out.
I have no parking tips. Parking in Southie is an absolute nightmare. May God grant you the grace to accept the things you cannot change, like parking in Southie.
And now one last one specific to my neighborhood, if you let your dog go the bathroom on my front lawn I will squirt you with a super soaker, that may have ketchup in it. I don’t care if you pick it up, I don’t care if it’s just pee, I will bring the ketchup. Other than that I’m sure we’ll all get along just fine!