Written by Heather Foley
The winter blues, we all go through it a bit, right? I mean it’s freezing cold and dark before 5pm, how can that not bum you out a little? I think it’s perfectly normal to go through a winter blah phase, but how do you know if your winter blahs have escalated into full-blown Seasonal Affected Disorder? Well lucky for us we now have the World Wide Web and can self-diagnose till the cows come home. Let’s see if we have any of the symptoms, shall we?
Difficulty waking up. Well don’t most of us have a least a little trouble waking up in the morning? Especially when we know the floor is going to be COLD? I feel like this is biased against non-morning people and I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.
Cravings for starchy food. I don’t see why my love of pasta should be held against me. Now who wants to make me some mac & cheese?
Anxiety. Um, what if you have this year round? Great, now I’m anxious about my anxiety.
Hopelessness. What if this hopelessness is valid? I mean some people’s lives just aren’t going to get any better, that’s a fact. So if someone has a legit reason to be hopeless, that’s ok, right? And I’m asking for a friend, yeah, that’s it, a friend.
Loss of energy. What if energy was never really your strong suit to begin with? How can I have a loss of energy if I never had any in the first place?
Decreased sexual drive. Well let me tell you, I have not had any complaints in this department my friends. Technically I haven’t had any shoppers either, but whatevs.
Social withdrawal. Compared to my social withdrawal the other three seasons of the year? Not a problem.
Weight gain. NO EFFIN WAY MOFOS.
Unusual sensitivity to social rejection. First of all there is nothing unusual about sensitivity to social rejection. It is one of the cornerstones of my life. The people who aren’t sensitive to social rejection are the weirdos. Now will someone please tell me I’m pretty!
So after going over my results I’m pretty sure I don’t have SAD. But now I’m a little worried that instead of a seasonal mental health issue, I maybe, just maybe have some sort of year round disorder. Unless any of you want to tell me it’s totally normal to screen all your calls, want to lie in bed eating mac & cheese all day, and have a crippling fear of people not liking you. Anyone?