3 min readBy Published On: November 23rd, 2019Categories: Features3 Comments

There are a lot of things I don’t understand. Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, budgeting, the Cloud, the appeal of The Big Bang Theory, people who like Gone Girl, and perhaps most baffling of all, Black Friday. I mean I understand what Black Friday is, I’m dumb, but not that dumb. It’s the day after Thanksgiving and is generally regarded as the start of the holiday shopping season. It’s called “Black Friday” because many retailers operate “in the red” prior the holidays and don’t turn a profit until people start their holiday shopping. But what I don’t get is why anyone in their right mind would willingly subject themselves to Black Friday lunacy,

Let’s be honest, the real Black Friday “deals” are for crap. No name electronics, Kmart jewelry, junky toys, not exactly the crème de la crème. I’ve never seen a Black Friday circular and thought “oh my God that’s the exact (insert anything, seriously, any product or item of clothing) I’ve been wanting to buy and now it’s on super duper sale so I’m going to buy it.” Now I’m not saying there isn’t good stuff on sale on Black Friday, but 20% off is nothing to get excited about, never mind wait in line for hours and risk life and limb for. But I guess if you’re in the market for a “SOONY” flat screen with no warranty you’re in hog heaven.

Hey, and what about Door Buster Deals? You know why they call them Door Busters? Because someone will literally bust you on your ass when you try to get through the door. There have been stabbings in parking lots, riots over waffle makers, and stampedes that have killed people at various stores on Black Friday. Do you want to be on the news for getting trampled for bobo clock radio? Let me know when J.Crew cashmere is 80% off and I’ll consider the stampede.

Here’s another thing I don’t get, do people who shop on Black Friday know about Cyber Monday? Have they ever been to a Marshalls, TJ Maxx, or HomeGoods? Do they know Black Friday is just the beginning of all the holiday sales? We live in a world where Macy’s has a one day sale with a special preview day every week, Amazon has about thirty deals of the day every day, and if you wait till Christmas Eve to shop, stores are practically giving their crap away, and no one will try to stab you with a screwdriver….probably. Wake up Black Friday sheeple! Big box retailers are tricking you into paying $10 for stuff you don’t even want!

Seriously, eff Black Friday, and eff any store that opens on Thanksgiving with a rusty nail. Black Friday basically sums up everything that’s wrong with this country, so I challenge you to celebrate what’s right. Skip Black Friday all together (I know I don’t have to tell you to skip Thanksgiving shopping), and spend your money in your own backyard on Small Business Saturday. We have some amazing small businesses in the neighborhood and we should try to spend as much of our Christmas budget locally as possible. Thriving small businesses are needed for a thriving community, so this Saturday why not walk up and down the neighborhood, pick up a few gifts, and reward your good behavior with some Sullivan’s before it closes for the winter?

Hopefully I’ll see you out and about, say hi!

3 Comments

  1. Farah November 24, 2016 at 3:40 am - Reply

    As if I even needed a reason to adore you more:)!!!!

  2. mplo November 27, 2016 at 8:18 pm - Reply

    Black Friday, to me, is not worth dealing with the throngs of people who are super-anxious to get hold of a great big discount TV or whatever, especially after a temporary worker in a Wal*Mart was trampled to death by a crowd that had lined up outside Wal*Mart (the location of which escapes me at the moment.) in order to get their hands on big discount TV sets.

    If I buy anything, including gifts, I’ll go after Black Friday is over.

  3. Matt November 28, 2016 at 9:42 pm - Reply

    Great article, it is true, why would you not order online than go through that nightmare out there, people get nuts over a stupid discount and woe the man who gets in there way.

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