3.5 min readBy Published On: August 8th, 2023Categories: Features1 Comment on Heather Is Dreaming of a Lazy Girl Job

The other day I shared an article about the “Lazy Girl Job” TikTok trend via Instagram stories (I’m HERE if you’d like to follow me).  I was soon inundated with questions about these alleged Lazy Girl Jobs.  Let me just decree here, and now, these jobs are not lazy!  These women are not lazy!  There are smart women with jobs that give them a work/life balance, and I, for one, am extremely jealous.  A “Lazy Girl Job” is really just a work-from-home job you can do from the comfort of your couch while Netflix plays in the background and allows for hot girl walks and iced coffee runs.  Lazy Girl Jobs are the dream!

I think these jobs sound just wonderful; no offense, corporate culture, and shared microwave smells.  You see, I work one of those “gotta physically go to your job” jobs.  And not hybrid, every damn day.  Am I the first responder or essential personnel, you ask?  Kinda, I’m a stylist.  Every day on my way to work, I angrily drive by everyone out on their morning walk, and then I sit through a meeting angrily watching everyone zoom in on their laptops while out in the sun, getting that vitamin D.  Must be nice to be able to work from the beach, Debra!

So, in the spirit of manifesting (I’m holding my citrine while I type this), here is what my ideal Lazy Girl Job day would look like…

5am Wake up.  I’m naturally an early riser, but now I just stare at the ceiling while I try to summon the will to slog through another day.  With a Lazy Girl Job, I just know I’d pop out of bed like toast.

5:15am First coffee and journaling.  I know keeping a gratitude journal is good for you, but I currently spend too much time in the morning staring at my ceiling, trying to summon the will to slog through another day to have time for extras like journaling.

5:30am Meditate.  If I had a WFH Lazy Girl Job I just know I’d be Zen as hell.  I can feel it in my bones.

6am Morning hot girl walk.  Probably listening to a motivational podcast that will make me an even better person, TBH.

7am Shower and get ready for work.

8am Log in for work with my second cup of coffee and a super healthy, clean breakfast that is definitely not a mixing bowl full of Capt’n Crunch while whatever old season of Real Housewives Bravo happens to be airing that day plays in the background.

10am Peloton strength training class during a team meeting, CAMERA OFF.  It would be so nice to be able to turn my camera off, listen to a meeting, and get a quick workout.  Now I turn my camera off because the overhead fluorescent lighting in my cubicle makes me look like I have a severe case of jaundice, and people keep asking if I’m ok.

12pm Cook an aesthetically pleasing, healthy WFH lunch.  A freshly made lunch every day?  Who am I?  A Rockefeller?!

2:30pm Little baby hot girl walk to get an iced coffee.  Honestly, taking a five-minute walk to grab an iced coffee in the middle of the afternoon seems like the height of decadence.

4pm Start dinner.  Can you even imagine how hard I’d be slaying the intermittent fasting game if I was able to start making dinner before 6pm?

5pm Log off for the day.  I’d probably marvel at how productive I was each and every day while simultaneously taking care of my mental, physical, and emotional well-being.

Now before any WFH lazy girl job havers even start with the “I work longer hours and harder than I ever did when I came into the office” shenanigans, STOP IT.  Stop it right now.  This what MY Lazy Girl Job truth is, and don’t you dare try to take that from me…I have so little.

*If anyone from my work sees this – I’m kidding!  It’s satire!  I love my job!  Under his eye!

One Comment

  1. Mike Thomas August 9, 2023 at 4:32 am - Reply

    Wait, wait….you ain’t done anything for 5am to 10am,.zeeero.
    You did nothing.
    Ain’t you got any self respect girl ?
    Here’s what a 5am wake workday really looks like.
    Don’t get up…..at 5
    Start getting up around 5:40.
    Be up by 6..…
    Put the coffee on , jump a quick rinse, dry off, lace up, down that mojo..
    Out the door by 6:30
    Stop at local convenience for a 10 minute gab with some pals or the hotties if you’re lucky that day.
    Double check yourself to make sure you didn’t forget anything, then drive off for the murderous drive to …say downtown, or the south end…or Cambridge.
    Or the city yard on frontage Rd..
    Probably eaten up 20 minutes by now…so you’re actually early for your 7am brass in , but another chat with chums eats that up as you saunter in looking and feeling great for a Monday…..
    Do this all in reverse by lunchtime.
    Do it all again by 4:00 then head home, ….
    You see… your schedule is complicated that’s why you don’t get anything done..

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