Fat Tuesday? I’ve had a Fat February. I have been on a bit of a bender this past month. Just a week ago I was smashing egg rolls, scorpion bowls, and spare ribs at the Rainbow Dragon on West Broadway. On Saturday, I ate dinner and about three hours later, I decided that a pizza from Anchovies was a ‘good idea.’ I have been drinking wine like it’s my second job;I lost my wallet last weekend and I was this close to losing my iPhone this weekend. I know. I need to lock it up.
In anticipation of your arrival, I thought about giving up pizza, mayo, and all forms of sweets. I almost bought a $400.00 Clean food cleanse off of the internet. I even made an impromptu trip to Wholefoods just for you. I bought organic vegetables, quinoa, and something called Kombucha. Everybody around me has been talking about what they are giving up for you. Fried food, chocolate, potato chips, candy, pizza, wine, beer – you’re getting it all. However, all of these sacrifices revolve around food and drink. I hate to be a whistle blower, Lent, but this was a huge red flag.
I saw you getting off of the Red Line at Broadway this morning. I was going to say hello, but then something stopped me. You looked different. Something was off. I was curious so I followed you down A Street and then I saw you take off your beard. I know who you are and by the time you read this everyone else will know too. You are not Lent – you are a diet.
Go home diet. This isn’t your time. Giving up mayo and pizza will not make me more Christ-like nor will it deepen my faith; and frankly I don’t think JC really cares if I eat that crap or not. Instead, I have decided to do at least one good deed a day for the next 40 days. Whether it’s as small as holding a door for someone, volunteering at a local soup kitchen, picking up trash off of the street, or calling the owner of a lost wallet that I find on Hanover St in the North End at 3:00am on a Friday night – (thank you so much) – I will do 40 good deeds. I think that this will have a greater impact on my inner self, the good of humanity, and maybe I will even find out what the real Lent is up to.