What I learned from cleaning out my closet
Written by Heather Foley
I had big plan this past weekend. Was I hanging with the glitterati? Having dinner at some new hot restaurant? Drinks at some hip off the radar bar? Nope, I was cleaning out my closet. I find cleaning out my closet oddly enjoyable. I like my clothes. I like looking at my clothes. I like touching my clothes. I like trying on my clothes and sitting on the couch watching TV. My clothes make me happy. But cleaning out my closet isn’t all fun and games, I learned some stuff too. The first thing I learned was that if you type ‘cleaning out my closet’ into bing, you get pretty much nothing but Eminem lyrics.
I’m a sucker for multiples. I have the same short sleeve chiffon-y jacket in two different colors, the same v-neck sweater in three colors, the same faux leather minis in two colors, the same suede driving shoes in two colors and five of the same dress in two different lengths and three different colors (it’s not even a day dress, or even a cocktail dress, they are fancy). I have problems, or maybe when I like something I just really like it and want to wear it as often as possible. Or maybe I have a shopping problem and need to settle down.
I feel fat. Sometimes when you clean out your closet you’ll find stuff that just doesn’t fit the way it’s supposed to anymore. My theory is lack of wear causes shrinking in some clothes. Rubbermaid bins do too.
And I feel skinny. Sometimes you’ll find clothes that still fit (hello leather pants from 2001) or are even to big (wide leg trousers from 2009). My advice is to always end on something that’s too big.
Apparently I’m the ‘if I can’t have you no one can’ type. This was big news to me! I had no idea that’s the type of girl I am. I have some gorgeous clothes in my closet, silk ombre shorts, velvet cropped pants, a ruffled leopard print number, a Japanese seersucker silk dress (just to name a few) that just don’t fit anymore (too big thank you very much) but I can’t bring myself to donate or consign them. It sounds nuts but I don’t think I could handle seeing someone else wearing the clothes I love – especially if they looked cuter than me (like that’s even possible).
I’m easily distracted, ooooohhhhh, something shiny! Wait, what was I talking about? Right, right, I’m easily distracted. It doesn’t take much to sway my attention. I might see a necklace that reminds me of a character from a book and next thing I know I’m on amazon, or maybe I stop to blow my nose and before I even realize it I’m painting my nails. Or maybe I just see something shiny in my closet and I really really want to wear it while I watch Hoarders.
If you’re supposed to dress for the job you want, I must want to be one of the Real Housewives of New York. My closet has a disproportionate amount of cocktail attire. It’s not that I don’t drink my fair share of cocktails, I just usually have them on the couch, in loungewear (aka sweats). So it looks like I need to get out a little more, or start lounging in my little black dress, either way.
So those are a few of the things I learned cleaning out my closet, you might learn something completely different when you clean out your closet, like that you have a thing for polka dots, or you never really quit shoulder pads. Or maybe like me, you’ll find a dress you wore to a prom that Reese Witherspoon totally copied at the last Oscars, nah, probably not. I wore it first bitch!